When Lunch Time becomes Torture

When Lunch Time becomes Torture

I used to love going out at lunch with a few coworkers at work. There’s a small group of us that usually go on pay day and catch up. It felt good to leave the office space and talk about other things than work.

blizzard-1245929_1920My office friendship haven’t change, but I have. I have been diagnosed with Graves Disease, Hyperthyroidism and Thyroid Cancer. I am taking medication and some symptoms have improved, while others have worsen. I find that pain is now a daily issue, which goes from muscle pain to my legs won’t support me, I can’t lift anything and I can’t move my fingers. It seems I now have chronic pain.

Walking outside in winter is now equivalent to torture. By the time we get to our destination, I am in so much pain that I can’t follow the conversation. I’m distant and struggling against tears. My pain is invisible, people have a hard time to understand. Unfortunately, having an invisible condition can be a constant battle to be believed and understood by the world around us.

I cancel on the group often now. I can’t go out if it’s slippery or if there was a recent snow storm and snow removal hasn’t happened yet, due to weakness in my legs caused by Graves Disease and injury. I was warned by the medical specialist not to walk in snow or sand as I would damage my legs further.

sad-505857_1920When I do say yes, I know that I will be in some serious pain for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Sometime I will go, because going out will do my spirit some good, even if it won’t help me physically. Sometimes I say no, because I had a recent flare up and need a break from serious pain for a bit.

Small regular things I used to take for granted now takes planning and careful decision making. I have to think about my every action and the calculate the consequence then make a decision about doing them. It’s very disheartening at time.


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