Every pay day, I go out with a few coworkers to lunch. This week’s lunch time conversation was particularly animated and the subject at the centre of it all was my upcoming wedding.
My coworkers wanted to warn me about drama that had hit the fan earlier that week that directly concerned me. The rumour mills had my name all over it. As many brides out there, I was expecting some drama as we decided that we were having a small wedding and only invite specific individuals that we truly wanted there, so I wasn’t very surprised by this information.
Adriana informed me that earlier that week on a day that I worked from home, she and 3 other people were having lunch and discussion Marie’s upcoming wedding.
The people present were herself, Annie (who was at our bi-monthly lunch) and two managers: Carol and Shelley.
We are 3 women in the office currently engaged. My wedding is set for May of this year. It’s the first of the 3. Marie’s wedding is scheduled for October of this year. Annie’s, who is younger, is having a very long engagement.
Marie is inviting everyone from the office to her wedding. Carol, who is one of the managers, wondered out loud if anyone from the office had been invited to my wedding since it’s less than 2 months away now. I’m a very private person so they hadn’t heard much details about it.
Angelina, another employee replied that Rose probably got an invitation since we are friend outside of work. Everyone agreed.
Carol deciding not to leave things alone, asked Angelina if she had received an invitation. She said no, but wasn’t expecting one. She knew from previous discussion that I was having a small wedding and except for the pay day lunch we don’t really hang out.
Carol then asked Adriana if she had received an invitation. Adriana didn’t want to supply the information, but when asked directly, didn’t want to lie so she said yes. Apparently, that’s when all hell broke loose.
I reassured Adriana that she did well. I wasn’t asking anyone to lie and my invite list isn’t a secret. I simply didn’t publish it because that’s not my style. If anyone had an issue they could come directly to me.
Well, apparently, when Adriana admitted that she had received an invitation, Shelley, the other manager, jumped up and her hand flew to her chest with an exclamation of surprise and shock. “Why would you get an invite?!” She exclaimed incredulous.
To this inappropriate overreaction, Adriana, reacted automatically by answering: “Well, she likes me.”
Well, that reply didn’t go over very well. Apparently, both manager started questioning my relationship with Adriana. They were saying that they have never seen any proof of our being close and didn’t understand why she would get an invitation and not them. They were clearly insulted.
What both of these managers didn’t know is that Adriana came to my help last year when I was in my darkest place, before I was diagnosed with serious issue and didn’t know what was going on with me. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know that I would have gotten through as smoothly as I did. She was my clarity when I couldn’t see anything but darkness.
Regardless, it wasn’t there place to start questioning my relationships with others. That’s private and doesn’t need committee approval.
Adriana was worried I would be mad at her for stirring up trouble. I told her I was expecting some feathers to be ruffled and that I am used to dealing with managers. I have worked here for quite a while and have seen drama come and go. This will eventually blow over like everything else.
I also told my lunch buddies that I knew something was up, because Shelley had come to my desk earlier that very day and said: “Well, I guess I’m not invited to your wedding.” I explained that we had a very small wedding and only a few individuals were invited, which is true. It was an awkward conversation, but my tone made it very clear that I wouldn’t budge.
The other manager had approached me earlier this year telling me that she had designed my centre table and it would be my wedding gift from her. I had kindly turned her down then, telling her it was very kind to think of me, but unfortunately, it was already all organised and done. I also mentioned that we didn’t want wedding gifts from anyone. I remember being surprised at that time that some random someone would just decide out of the blue to decide what my wedding decor would be. I thought that was pretty gutsy.
My coworkers couldn’t get over the fact that she would have come to me and brought up the fact that she wasn’t invited. Most were shocked and said that a manager approaching an employee with that type of question could put a lot of pressure on a person to invite them even though they didn’t want. It was an illegal power play.
I just rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of it all. I have never formed friendships with these two managers or ever seen them outside the office except at office related events. I don’t know why they would think they had a stronger standing than anyone else.
Sometime it feels like I live in a sitcom.
What is the most cringe worthy moment? I would love to hear your story.