Upon learning that I was engaged and getting married this year, a complete stranger unloaded a bucket of hate upon me. I was told that getting married, having a ceremony and a reception is one of the most ridiculous, indulgent, evidences of extreme privilege she’d ever seen. She assumed that I had too much money to throw around. Accused me throwing all my money away on a stupid ceremony because I wanted to be the centre of attention.
This took me by complete surprise. First of all, someone had complimented my ring and I thank them. They asked if I had a date and I answered that we were getting married late spring. I wasn’t boasting about my upcoming wedding or going over the top with details. The last thing I want to do is bore someone who’s not really interested or not invited with details of my wedding.
This stranger over the top reaction felt super ironic as I have been accused of keeping my wedding too quiet and not being excited and bubbly enough about the whole planning process. I’m just a private person that’s all. So having a stranger blowing up at me was shocking, but somehow I knew it had nothing to do with me.
Accusing me of privilege and wealth when a little over a year ago, we were on so poor that we were nominated by one of our kids’ school as the poor family to help out at Christmas time sounded ironic to my ears. Yes, I am very happy and grateful that my future husband found a good job and that together we are slowly getting back on our feet. Yes, I am very aware that many don’t have such luck. Yes, I put a lot of effort in giving back to my community as they gave back to us in our time of need.
This woman also didn’t know how small and very simple our wedding will be. It was planned on a very small budget for close family and friends only. We’ve been very clear that we want people to dress comfortably, no need to buy dresses and suits and we asked that no one give us gifts. We planned everything ourselves and are even making the decorations by hand. I agree, not everyone gets to have a ceremony and a reception. I didn’t think I would ever get one. I never even dreamt of it until I met the man I am about to marry. I am very grateful for the good in my life.
Accusing me of being some princess who wants to be the center of attention is also laughable as I am a notorious introvert and so is my future husband. We prefer to be invisible over being the center of attention. We are both nervous about standing in front of everyone saying our vows, even if everyone we invited is close friends or family. I also have to plan around the fact that I am battling several chronic illnesses that sometimes make it very difficult to stand so the ceremony may have to happen sitting down on the chair and to have someone help me walk down the short pathway.
I am truly sorry for whatever reason has caused such anger in this woman’s life. I hope that whatever it is will get better or/and heal. I would simply ask that people take a moment before judging strangers. You do not know what they have been through to get where they are.
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