I’m not crying, you’re crying

I’m not crying, you’re crying

My best friend has been away the past 2 weeks on vacation in another country. It’s been radio silence since she boarded the plane. As a mother and a woman with anxiety issues, I’ve been worrying about her. I even felt guilty, thinking if something happened to her and I’m here waiting for her return instead of helping, I’m a horrible friend.

FullSizeRenderThese past few weeks have been increasingly difficult. My thyroid as slowly been dying inside of me. I feel horrible from head to toe. I hurt everywhere, to the point that I’ve needed, crutches and wheelchair to get around. Work has been busier and more demanding than normal due to installing a new phone system and having staff changes, which isn’t helping. I am using all of my strength to get through each work day, that I get home completely depleted and often depressed. Not much fun for my husband and child.

I sleep all weekend, taking morning naps, afternoon naps, going to bed early and I’m still exhausted. The week days get more difficult with each additional day. Today is Thursday, I woke up this morning feeling like absolute crap. Every single muscle is screaming at me and I have a migraine and nauseous. I’m exhausted and I need to take a day off to rest, but I can’t. There’s too much resting on my shoulders at work right now, so I force myself to go.

I get to work and all I want is to go back home, but I force myself to move forward and attack my to-do list one item at a time. I get this surprise text from my best friend using someone else’s cellphone:

Hi! It’s (name) from Cuba! Arriving tomorrow and wanted to bring you on a sleepover trip this weekend! I will text you from my phone when I can get the internet card to work.”

moveI was relieved to hear from her but felt panicked about the invite. Each day is such a struggle lately and there is still so much to do at home. We recently purchased a home and moved in. The house still looks likes absolute chaos. There are boxes everywhere, furniture still not in the right place, a lot of cleaning to do and no energy to do it all. So I replied:

“Hi! Glad to hear you are okay and coming back soon. Not sure about a sleepover. My health isn’t good, but we’ll catch up when you are back.”

I felt bad about turning her down. I know that she was worried that once I got married I wouldn’t have time for her. I don’t want my actions to confirm her fears.

“Ok. I hope it’s nothing bad. Are you ok? Your husband and I thought about it before I left. We could also just drive for a day. Whatever is best for you.”

At which point, I burst into tears at my desk. My best friend and my husband working together to surprise me with a weekend away. How sweet is that?

I texted my husband to confirm and he tried to convince me I should go, that a weekend away may be what I need to truly disconnect and charge my batteries. So I texted my best friend back:

“I’ll be okay. My guess, the radiation worked. I’m feeling horrible. Blood tests tomorrow morning. Results next week. Hubby is pushing me to accept the sleepover. Says it may be good for me.”

And then I cried some more. I am in absolute awe of the people who surround me and care for me. They are truly amazing.


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