In my opinion, just because a job is good, it doesn’t mean that it’s good for you.

ipad-820272_1920I realise that having a job security doesn’t always let people connect job and passion. I also realise that sometimes, a job that used to invoke your passion may dwindle with time. I realise that so many would give anything to have a job, any job. I am grateful just to have a job.

In a perfect world, we would all be doing work that makes us passionate. My husband looks forward to his workday. He talks about his job with passion and happiness even on stressful or shitty days.

My husband looks forward to his workday. He talks about his job with passion and happiness even on stressful or shitty days.

I used to be like that too, but I’ve lost that drive. I wish I could find it again, but I don’t seem to get there. Many say that you can find that passion for any job if you look deep enough inside of yourself.

working-1219889_1920Maybe I lost my drive because I’ve been doing this job for over a decade now, and have dealt with the same office drama over and over again. I need to find a way back to the actual work without all of the office politics involved. Maybe it’s because of my chronic illness. It’s taking too much effort to get through the day. I have nothing left to absorb a difficult work day with. I give everything I have each day and I know it’s still not enough. I get home and I’m drained. I can’t rest because I have children whom I love to take care of. I pass my entire weekends sleeping. It’s not healthy.

My best friend thinks my workplace is wearing me down. She doesn’t think it the job itself, but the office dynamics and the crazy nonsensical people I work with every day. It makes sense. It does echo what I’ve been thinking myself. It’s not my passion for technology that has dwindled, but the human aspect of the job that is overwhelming. It doesn’t help either, if the patience and the endurance that I used to have for this aspect of the job, are now being redirected to my health, I am left with nothing to deal with the forever demanding, dysfunctional and draining workplace.