Have you been told to kerb your personality because you scare people away? I have.
As a teenager, It was strongly pressed on me that I should let my date win if we played pool, or to hide my knowledge of video games because that’s his domain. That didn’t sit well with me. Why should I be the one to make all the compromise to make him feel good?
I’ve been warned that I scared men away because I have a university degree, a good job and that I don’t need a man to survive. Female success scares men away and I would never marry unless I toned it down.
Independent women don’t need a man to provide for them. Since society has been telling men that in order to be a good man they must be good providers, they tend to feel emasculated.
In fact, being a real team where both individuals provide for the family is actually more of an asset and safer for the family. If something should ever happen and one of you is downsized or gets ill, you know that your partner will be able to provide. Plus, do you really want to be with someone who’s just using you as their personal ATM?
I find there is more value in being wanted, than being needed.
Personally, I always thought that if you find my achievements too intimidating, then I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. Everyone male or female should have a partner that believes in them, encourages them and are proud of them.
Studies show that assertive women are more likely to be perceived as aggressive. Women who ask for what they deserve are often branded as domineering. I know I’ve been told by a male co-worker that I would make a great dominatrix. I took it as a compliment, although a bit weirded out that he was vocal about his fantasies.
I know many female friends who have toned themselves down in order to find love. I don’t think anyone should change who they are for someone or settle by fear of being alone. Truly powerful women remain a minority because they are thought from a young age that they shouldn’t outshine their male counterparts.
Oh, and by the way, I am married. As the world is getting more aware of the age old sexist propaganda that is being shovelled down our throats both men and women are starting to appreciate authenticity over obedience to social norms.