How depression can ruin good days. We went on an excursion to Quebec City. My husband wanted to visit a fellow gamer that lives outside the city and we planned for a picknick near the water or in a pretty park. I had been looking forward to the road trip all week. I needed to get out of the house, to do something fun.
We had some additional time and my husband wanted to visit La Citadel Museum. It’s the only part of the city he hasn’t seen yet and he’s a big history buff as I am. The only problem is that my chronic illness showed up early and fast. Just walking from the parking to the old port had taken all my energy and my body was screaming with pain.
Suddenly, I went from I can’t make it up the way up there too I ruin everything for everyone and that’s never going to change. I’m never going to get better. We’ll never see the Citadel. I’m dragging all of my loved ones down. Without me, everyone would be happy. I burst into tears in the middle of the crowd of happy tourists.
Even though I knew that I am not ruining everyone’s lives, I couldn’t help but feel that I was in that moment. I couldn’t shake the feeling. I had to ride the wave before I could come out for air on the other side. Then total exhaustion overcame me and I slept most of the afternoon away.
My husband is amazing. He was so understanding.