Ever since it’s become public knowledge that I am suffering from Fibromyalgia and that I am in pain 24/7, people have been giving me daily comments on how good and badly I look. One thing I hear a lot is ‘you look like you’re hurting really bad today.’
I understand that you care for me. I know that you are worried for me. I get that you are looking out for me. Confirming how badly I look today, isn’t helping. If you are wondering if I’m in pain. Yes, I am. I’m in pain every day. If you are seeing the pain it’s because it’s really bad, it’s because I don’t have the energy to hide it. I am still trying. I’m still working. I’m still pushing through and trying to ignore the pain.
Having several people at work tell me how bad I look just reminds me of the intensity of the pain. Reminds me that no matter how hard I try to fit in to an able-bodied world, I won’t fit in ever again. Sometimes I even lie to myself about how bad the pain is and hearing it voiced out loud makes it very difficult to stay in denial.