We’ve all been told a million times that life isn’t fair. We all know this deep down, yet a surprising number of us subconsciously expect life to be fair, and we believe that any unfairness that we experience will somehow be balanced out, even if we don’t do anything about it. Illness is unfair.
I’m not talking about accepting the intricacies of injustice. Things that can be changed should be challenged and corrected. There is nothing that infuriates me more than someone who accepts something just because it’s always been that way.
What I’m talking about is illness. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in life. It’s not about karma. This is why I love the Shingles commercial so much. It’s the first time that it’s spelled out so honestly. Illness will affect anyone at anytime. Illness will fill anyone’s life with loss and pain.
Yesterday, I broke down. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t get undress by myself. I had to ask help from my husband. I burst into tears saying: “I’m only 40 years old. It’s too early for this.” I have was angry that my illnesses were taking my youth away from me.
If you’re stuck in that mindset that life is fair, accepting that you are sick and will be for the rest of your life is going to be a lot tougher. For the sake of your own mental well being, it’s time to get over it.
When something unfair happens, don’t rely on outside forces to get you back on your feet. Unfortunately, too many people will blame the victim or the ill for their struggles or offer “miracle” solutions for money. Sometimes there isn’t any consolation prize, and the sooner you stop expecting there to be, the sooner you can take actions that will actually make a difference.
Accepting that your illness isn’t your fault and that it’s not something you can control, can help you alleviate the depression that follows permanent life change. It can help you concentrate on how to make your new life a good one despite the illness, instead of getting stuck on the “why is this happening to me?” Visions of us prior to our illnesses will play in our head and make us angry and sad.
Positivity and acceptance of life’s troubles is a process and for most a life-long one, especially when the struggle is so domineering like a disability or illness.
Please, don’t confuse acceptance with giving up. Having an incurable illness changes your view of the world. The future that is now different because of illness. Things that used to be very important, suddenly doesn’t mean much. I find that my goals in life have switch from a desire to accomplish a lot to wanting comfort and quality of life. A part of me feels like I’ve gotten a second chance at life, a different life, one that was maybe better for me than the one before
“So many people spend their lives chasing money and end up as the richest men in the cemetery. I don’t want to be like that” – Ross Perot