I’m a mom in my 40s and a step-mom. I love children. What I don’t get is the obsession that so many people seem to have about asking when you are going to start having children or start trying to get another one.When will people stop asking me if I’m going to have another child?
Seriously, I don’t care who you are, that’s none of your business. If I want to share that info, I will volunteer it, but do not put me on the spot.
When I was in a stable relationship, I was often asked in family reunions, by coworkers, etc. if I was planning to have babies anytime soon. Asking a woman when she’s planning to have kids also has the potential to be very painful. What most didn’t know is that I had been trying. It took 4 years and 3 failed pregnancies to get 1 healthy child. It was an extremely difficult time in my life and having people put me on the spot didn’t really help.
Once I had my child and I started speaking openly about my struggle, I thought the baby question would go away. No such luck.
People started asking if I was going to give any sibling to my child. Even after I explained over and over how difficult it was to have one child and I didn’t want to go through that again, people still came back with: “Well you don’t know if the next pregnancy will go bad. You shouldn’t let it stop you.” Obviously you never morn a child or you wouldn’t say that. Even after I explained that my spouse had gotten the operation so that we wouldn’t have any more children. They actually suggested I find another baby daddy! Seriously!
Years passed. My relationship failed. My daughter grew up. I found someone knew. He had 2 children from a previous relationships. We ended up getting married and becoming a blended family of 5. Guess what was the first question people kept asking us? When are you going to start having babies together? You’re married, now have a baby. Are you kidding?!
- You all know my story and my stand point on having more children. Marrying someone new will not have changed that.
- We are already 5 in the house, don’t you think that’s enough?
- Our kids are teens. Neither of us want to get back into diapers and start all over again.
Not only are people still pushing for me to have kids, they are starting to ask our daughter if they are looking forward to becoming mothers. My daughter is very vocal about not wanting kids. This disturbs people a lot. Too many tell her she’ll change her mind or try to convince her that she’ll be missing out of something absolutely vital.
I really want to understand why people are so obsess with pushing the expectation of having babies onto others. Guess what many women do not appreciate being asked about the status of their womb. This is right up there with looking at a woman’s midsection and presuming she’s pregnant before you’re told.