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I wish I was normal

I wish I was normal. By normal, I mean healthy, no physical or mental health issues. This not so secret wish, can bring me to tears when I allow myself to think about it. I would give almost anything to work 40 hours a week without struggling with pain, exhaustion and brain fog. I would love to be healthy and not have to worry about disappointing my employer and my loved ones. I wish to be a normal, dependable, functional adult.

After a full day of work, I constantly left bed ridden needing 11 – 12 hours of sleep or couch locked when I have my kids to look after. This takes away from quality family time. I have zero social life. I stopped doing most of my hobbies I used to have.

Work takes all of my energy and health. I wish it wasn’t that way. The reality is that my body can only handle so much. A full work day, getting ready for that day, and commuting is all my body can handle. Sometimes, it feels like it more than I handle.

Working is my main priority, despite how much I may be absent or need to be out sick. It may make it seem that work is not my number one priority. I can assure you it is. Maintaining this job makes me feel closer to normal, even if I feel like I’m struggling all the time.

Without this job, I cannot take of my family. I cannot pay the bills. My life would be destroyed. Without this job, I would have much less to concentrate on other than my health and lack thereof.

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