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Dealing with grief and change

Dealing with grief and change can be quite difficult. Mourning is not just about death, it’s what people feel after losing a loved one whether it’s the lost of a friendship, a lost pet, etc.

It’s important to understand that everyone experiences mourning and loss in his own way. So if you aren’t handling it the same way as another family member or a friend, it’s perfectly normal. Each person has a different way of healing and overcoming such an ordeal.

Mourning refers not only to the emotions, but also to the physical and mental reaction to loss. You do not necessarily feel bad all the time. You do not have to force yourself to feel things that do not come naturally to you. Be patient with yourself and remember that you will overcome this ordeal.

They are different kinds of mourning

Death is one of the ways to lose someone. It is also possible that you feel mourning because of significant changes in your life. Mourning can be the result:     

  • a breakup or a divorce;     
  • a move;     
  • a quarrel with friends;       
  • a life-altering or threatening disease;     
  • a handicap
  • a lost pet.

Mourning at the time of death

The loss of someone you love is an experience full of emotions. Your body, mind and soul must adjust to the reality of this loss.

Emotional reactions

1. Relief is a normal reaction to death, especially if a person has been very ill for a while. Relief comes from knowing that the person is not suffering anymore. I remember when I lost my grand-father, I was torn about how to explain death to my four-year-old daughter. She ended up explaining it to me. Saying that she had two hearts; one was sad that he was dead and the other was happy that he wasn’t suffering anymore.

2. It is possible that you feel guilty for not telling the person who died how important she or he is to you. Sometimes you may feel guilt because you are alive or because you think you could have done something to avoid death, even if it is not.

3. It is normal for you to feel angry when someone dies. It is also normal that you express this anger. It is even better that you do it, because holding it can be bad for you. Anger is natural, but if you think you’re having trouble managing yours, try to get help from someone you trust.

4. It is also normal that the emotions you feel after experiencing a loss make you confused. You probably feel a lot of things you do not recognize, especially if you’ve never experienced such a loss before.

Physical reactions

During your mourning, you may experience physical sensations in your body, such as:     

  • nausea or stomach ache (This is my personal go too for any kind of emotion upheaval);   
  • crying without end;     
  • feeling stifled or unable to breathe;    
  • headaches;     
  • exhaustion (as if all you want to do is sleep);     
  • tension and the inability to relax.

Mental reactions

You may feel like:     

  • Forget everything;     
  • Are disorganized;     
  • Are distracted;     
  • Worry about the death and safety of others.

Do not judge yourself

All your feelings are valid. They can change from day to day. Each person faces mourning in his own way. Some cry a lot while others are too numb to cry. Nobody has to know how you feel, unless you want to talk about it. Be indulgent to yourself.

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