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Pain insomnia

Pain insomnia is insomnia due to pain. Ever been in so much pain that you can either not fall asleep or that it wakes you up? Have you ever been in so much pain that it invades your dreams and turns them into nightmares?

Its 1:30AM and I am up because I can’t stand my back pain anymore. There are no good positions that alleviates this pain. I try to ignore it, but the more I stay in one position, the worst the pain gets. I try to move and I almost screamed out. I try not to make too much noise as I don’t want to wake up my spouse.

I finally gave up and walked to the living room. My legs could barely lift me up as the pain radiated through them. I know I need my sleep. I know that tomorrow will be a long day. This pain wants me to scream out and cry. My body is sabotaging my sleep efforts.

I know that I will still have to slug through many days and fight through it as best I can, but in these moments when pain is so bad I can’t sleep, I start wondering if I’m going to survive this chronic illness.

I already struggle with fatigue, which is now made exponentially worse when I can’t get a good night’s sleep. I sometime feel like I am a hamster in a wheel. It’s a cycle that is never ending. Having a good night sleep is simply not in the cards for me tonight.

Pain is invisible, but you can see it if you look closely enough. You can see it in someone’s face. You can see the exhaustion. You can see it in the way they walk. It just take observation.

I’m sorry about the negativity of this post. Like I said, it’s 1:30 AM and I am up due to pain. I am hoping it will pass and that I will be able to get back to my bed and sleep.

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