Toxic masculinity is dangerous

Challenging the narrative of toxic masculinity is not about emasculating men, it’s about eradicating the negative aspects of masculinity that harm both women and men. I think most of us can agree that toxic masculinity is dangerous.

There are a huge number of pressures that come with being a man. Societal expectations and projections and self-judgments and rusted on belief systems, each of which can make it hard to seek support or treatment for mental health problems.

Fear of rejection - TopicsWithPassion.blogThe raise of the extreme right wings is a complete train wreck from beginning to end. It’s given a voice to toxicity.

An example of toxic masculinity is Louis C.K. Mocking people for their difference is not funny, just mean. No, the world hasn’t lost their sense of humour. They simply want to laugh without putting other people down. It’s that simple.

Toxic men have killed women they met on dating applications. They have killed women they have randomly met on the street. They have killed women they live with. Dating application isn’t the problem. Walking outdoors alone isn’t the problem. Falling in and out of love isn’t the problem. Toxic masculinity that says men have a right to anger, violence and ownership over women is the issue.

Toxic masculinity doesn’t hurt only women. Men cry and break down. Men suffer with eating disorders. Men suffer from anxiety and depression. We need to encourage men to speak out. They should suffer in silence.

Want toxic masculinity to end? Call out your friends and family, your colleagues and your fellow men when they act in a way that contributes to sexist ideology, whether that’s just through the telling of basic jokes or the actual abuse of women.

Why do we need sex education?

We need sex education to counter misinformation going around the internet and being said among friends. People often share misinformation as if they are in the know when they are really not. Your kids will learn about sex somewhere, why not make sure the source is giving correct information?

sex education - school - healthcare These kids grow up and become clueless adults.  There are people who actually think that if a woman has a menstrual calendar on her phone it’s because she is loose. The truth is that menstrual calendars help us track our period, our flow and symptoms, which help us with our health. Duh!

Some idiotic teenager and adult males actually think that women can choose not to have their menstruation. Trust me, if it was a choice, the vast majority of us wouldn’t have menstruation.

Too many men tend to think that the female reproductive system, revolves around them and their penises.

Ignorance is not bliss. Knowing some individuals are so clueless about how the women’s body works, is a scary thought. This is why we need sex education.

We just want to get home safely

I wanted to share a small anecdote to drive it home that women just want to get home safely without fear and that  you have the power to make that happen.

I was walking home from the store. It wasn’t long after the sun went down. The walk isn’t very long since I have difficulty walking. There is only one shopping centre close enough for me to venture out to. There isn’t a street light to light on the way and the vegetation is high and thick. It can get quite dark and unless someone else is out in the street. No one can see you from the comfort of their homes.

“Here’s a strongly held opinion for you: Telling women to modify their behaviour to avoid being victims of violent crime makes women less safe, as it allows predators to view women not adhering to these “rules” as fair game.” – Lena @DeaExLena

I am always aware of my surroundings when I am out and about. I notice a tall white man, with a bald or shaved head, dressed in black from head to toe, on the opposite side of my street. He was walking the same direction as me. I didn’t think much of it until he suddenly dashed across the street and started walking behind me.

Nightime - Alone - Safety

No big deal, I’m almost home, right?  Regardless, I’ve got my home keys in my hands, just in case. I’m suddenly more on my guards because of his presence behind me.

What was he thinking?

I want to understand why an adult man walking down on the other side of the street parallel to me would suddenly decide to cross to my side. Somehow this decision just happened to coincide with me entering the shadows of the darkest section of the street. He didn’t make his way in front of me, but fell in behind me. Then he started whistling ominously as if to make sure I knew he was there.

Lucky for me my house was within sight so I quickened my step, as much as I could as the pain was getting worse with every step. I went inside as he continued on with that ominous whistle.

Please think about your action

I don’t know if this man was trying to deliberately scare me or if it was just a clueless move. If you are on the other side of the street and must cross over, then do so in front of the woman and make it clear you don’t want to bother her.  If you are walking in the dark, keep your distance or speed up and pass her so it doesn’t feel like you are trailing.

We just want to get home safely at night, and then once we’re home not encounter the statistically even bigger threat from men that’s posed to us there.

Who was Elizabeth Blackwell?

Elizabeth Blackwell was the first American woman (originally from England) to go to medical school and she was admitted as a joke. Yes, you read that right.

This brave woman who believed she could achieve anything applied to Geneva Medical School in 1847, but male students though it was a prank so they all voted her in as a joke. Thanks to this, she graduated in 2 years from medical school.

What was Elizabeth Blackwell’s other accomplishments?

Blackwell then went on to co-established and taught at a London women’s school to help more women become doctors. She was therefore a pioneer in promoting the education of women in medicine. She also opened an infirmary for the poor, and started her own practice.

Why did Elizabeth Blackwell apply to medical school in the first place?

Blackwell’s motivation to go into medicine came after her friend fell ill. This friend suggested that if a female doctor had cared for her, she might not have suffered so much.

She had a strong sense of empathy and sensitivity to human suffering as well as a strong desire for social and economic justice.

It’s okay not to want kids

I’m a mother and a step-mother. I am happy with my choice, but I know it’s not for everyone.

My daughter who is now a teenager and discovering love for the first time has mentioned to both me and her father that she may not want children in her future. We both had very different reactions.

Appreciation - MannersHer dad took it personally. He has 3 kids and none of them want children. Our daughter was his last hope to become a grandfather. He was sad that his family wasn’t going to continue.

Our daughter is my only child. I could have had a similar reaction, but instead I applaud her for stating what she wanted. I wanted her to know that it’s okay not to want kids or even like them. I wanted her to know that she can have any life that she wants and kids isn’t the only way for a women to find fulfillment. She is still very young and she may change her mind in the future and that’s okay too. The importance here is that she knows what she wants and does what makes her happy.

Motherhood isn’t for everyone and we need to stop acting like it is.

Nobody chooses prostitution

This is so important to grasp.

The media glamorizes prostitution and presents the illusion that it’s sexually liberating for women, and sex industry lobbyists claim that it’s just regular work.

There’s nothing normal or empowering about prostitution.  The fact is that prostitution intertwines with gendered violence, psychological trauma, rape, slavery and impoverishment. Even in countries where prostitution is legalized, the younger and more vulnerable and less experience you have, the more money you make.

The vast majority of sex workers experience abuse and want to find a way out.

“My experiences show that a woman doesn’t choose prostitution. She is choosing survival. Prostitution isn’t a choice. It is the absence of choice. Nobody makes the choice to be poor, low caste, or female. Society and individuals take advantage of this lack of choice.” – Ruchira Gupta

This is how women in the industry make it through. They tell themselves it’s okay and think of the money they are making. It’s what you do to make the best of a bad situation, and to stop feeling too awful about yourself.

In fact the worst and most vile personal attacks are usually reserved for survivors. why aren’t we putting more emphasis on demonizing the pimps rather than the victims of prostitution?

It’s not surprising that women in prostitution have a much higher mortality rate than other women and are more likely to be murdered.

Many feel that fighting against prostitution means demonizing or slut shame sex workers when it’s about demonizing pimps and protecting the actual sex workers. Making sex work legal without taking pimps out of the picture we aren’t making sex work any safer.

Even when prostitution is legal, women are commodities and not full human beings. Men expect to be allowed to do whatever they want. Racism is also blatant has women’s race and ethnicity was a selling point.

I am all for decriminalizing the victims of prostitution and putting in place help to get out of this line of work, but I am against making prostitution legal. I think we should be concentrating on getting the pimps out of the picture. Who ever is making money out of another person’s body should be punished.

“My pimp would tell me that prostitution was what I wanted to do, constantly for years. So when I hear that prostitution should be legalized because it’s what women want, that’s pimp shit. When I hear how “sex work is women’s rights”, that’s pimp shit” – Unknown

I find that many people hold on to an ideology about sex work being work so strongly that they need to silence sex workers survivors who hold different views, who have experience violence, abuse and exploitation. Who benefits from silencing survivors?

I too was wavering hearing the different point of view, but after listening to numerous accounts of women who are or were sex workers, it would be silly not to side with what they say. This entire debate is about them after all. We should be helping them have a stronger voice, not ignoring what they say to have a psychological debate about something we have no true experience with.

We must speak out against exploitation.

 

How do you know he’s the one?

Despite easier access to potential partners, more people claim to have trouble finding romance today. I have more single friends than I have who are in serious relationships.

Since we are in the holidays, it’s almost impossible to escape the desire to find true love due to all the romantic holidays movies flooding our televisions.

Now that I have found my true love, many of my friends ask how I knew he was the one. Here is what I say:

  • The man to marry is the one who will stand next to you, not in front of you. Many of us have been in relationships when your partner wants you to turn down an opportunity because it won’t make them look good. I had a boyfriend who wanted me to turn down my university acceptance because I would be more educated then him and that wouldn’t reflect good on him. Anyone who would hold you back isn’t your true love.
  • He will do nice things for you without expecting anything in return. Anyone who keeps a score sheet isn’t truly in love with you. It’s a business relationship, not love. If you ever get sick, disabled or loose your job, anything that demands leaning on your partner, they will be gone. A ex-boyfriend once presented me with an invoice expecting me to reimburse him for a $0.25 I borrowed to make a phone call and for the flowers he gave me on my birthday.
  • No problem is too big for you to solve together. I must say that hardship of any kind is often a relationship breaker. If difficult times makes you closer, than that’s the perfect sign you are meant to be.

It also important to look at ourselves. Sometimes people who have every reason to be happy in a relationship just can’t help ruining it by refusing to commit.

 

Speak out

Women constantly make themselves smaller in the face of violence, or to try and avoid violence. If you have to hide, I understand and I honour any steps you need to take for your safety.

Hiding is not how we speak out. It’s not how we support victims of domestic violence. Us hiding and being quiet is literally what violent men want.

It’s not how we teach. It’s not how we organize.

Have you noticed that the people who keep telling marginalized that they are being too sensitive and to stop being offended by everything are the one that flip out they see or hear the words feminism, vegan, transgender, homosexual, bi-sexual or anyone they don’t approve of or understand?

 

 

She can be anything she wants

Many young people still make career choices based on gender stereotypes. By fighting against them, we encourage children and youth to express their true personality and make informed choices about their future.

Even today, many young people will make choices based on gender stereotypes, choices that do not always reflect their deep desire for a professional future. Never give up on something you really want even if it looks impossible. In a world of instant gratification, it’s difficult to wait, but trust me when I say it’s much worse to look back in regret.

Career - Jobs - SexesYoung people have stubborn stereotypes about jobs that are appropriate for women and those that are appropriate for men. And these stereotypes are already present in children at a very young age, relayed and reinforced by the family, the media, the social environment in general and the school environment in particular. The activities and games offered to children and young people, the media, peers, places of socialization, etc., are often different for girls and boys. All these elements of education engender the transmission of stereotypes. By these choices, the girls are led, without even wanting it, to supposedly feminine interests, for example jobs where they will take care of others, and the boys towards interests called masculine, for example jobs where they will be in position of authority, or for which a certain physical force is required.

Everyone in the lives of children and youth (parents, educators, advocates) has an important role to play in countering stereotypes. By promoting stereotypical education and offering diverse models of workers, they will help the next generation not to make choices based on stereotypes and to fulfill their own fields of work. interest.

“She can be anything she wants.  She can sit at any table. She can trail-blaze a path, while humbly and gratefully recognizing those before her who paved the way.” – Dwane Johnson

The sexual division of labour is still very much present in the labour market both in terms of occupations and occupations, and of the places and functions held by women.

Management - Career - Jobs - SexesCurrently, stereotypical expectations and perceptions suggest that some areas of study are typically male, others female. Many young people are therefore bound by the limits when determining their occupation or profession. A lot of work remains to be done so that they can engage in a profession without their choice being tainted by sex stereotypes.

Gender stereotypes help to minimize the number of predominantly female job classes. A majority of women are in a smaller number of occupations than men. In addition, so-called female jobs continue to offer lower pay than male-dominated jobs.

To guide young people towards an informed professional choice, it is first necessary to show them all possible avenues without limiting them because of their sex.

“Well, I’m going to be a famous jazz musician. I’ve got it all figured out. I’ll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues stylings will electrify the French. I’ll avoid the horrors of drug abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or may not die young. I haven’t decided.”  – Lisa Simpson

As adults, it is important to stop and think about what we intentionally or unconsciously require of children and youth, and whether we distinguish between what a girl or a boy should do.

Every girl has the right to a voice .Living the life you want takes courage. People will disapprove and try to discourage you. Remember you’re entitled to shine and make big plans.

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